THE WAY HOME...

A cersan freshman's view on the orsem...as it come and gone.



As the orsem starts, the whole orientee crowd were a little tense. Not knowing what to expect from the long week, they were overcomed with feelings of anxiety, confusion, hesitation, and fear. Upon being briefed by the committee about costumes, bangs,claps and clangs, and sigsheets signing, they were on the verge of quitting. But they didn’t—because orsem promised them one thing that caused them to hold on: that orsem 2004 will be the way home.
“I want to be a cersan” was the inscription on the name tags. It was a phrase that entails a lot of hard work, a lot of perseverance, and many trials along the way. The freshmen at first did not seem to understand this. Some of them thought that maybe the phrase was bizarre, that they maybe had better things to do. For two straight nights, they were seated on the hot basement floor, listening to their mentors. Some felt like crying, some apprehensive. But all of the, in some way wanted to prove to all that they could do it—that they could rise above what is expected of them, thus achieving batch unity.
And during the course of their brief but tiring endeavors in orsem, the phrase “I want to be a cersan” finally gained some meaning. Somewhere along the way, the freshmen understood that indeed, if they survive this, then they’d happily be home. If they made it that far, they would finally feel that they are part of a family—a family that will nurture them, give them space to grow, let them learn from their mistakes, and best of all, a family that will love them. With this thought in mind, the freshmen fought the hardest battle of all—overcoming tiredness, hunger and fear in order to help their batchmates and do what they must.
But there is no denying that not one of these freshmen would’ve ever survived if the upperclassmen had not stepped in and offered a hand. Unknown to them, the freshmen were more than happy to have them around, to see them willing to help—to get to know them one by one. They were willing to do what is expected of them, because they believe that the upperclass deserve their best efforts. Moreover, they trust in them. They were the freshmen's family. They lead them home.
After all that has been, it was embarked in their hearts that being a cersan could be the best blessing they ever had. Its being in a place with the people your comfortable with. Its finding people who’d help you even during the middle of the night. It’s laughing with someone over even the silliest things. Its being a living testimony to the four core values. Its finding the place where you belong, where you are accepted, where you can be one in heart, in mind, in one home.
Dorm life may not be easy, but knowing that you are in your sanctuary, the place where you go home to every single day after a hard test, only to find out that you’ll find yourself smiling in the end knowing your in a place you call home is the most amazing thing to experience. Sir thatot was right—the feelings of worth, happiness and acceptance is an afterthought. Its only now that its all finally over can we feel the beautiful things that this orsem has tried to teach us. Sir thatot was right…it is a beautiful experience.
We know that even if the orsem already came to its end, our life here has just begun. As our family welcomed us into the community, we felt we were finally there—the destination point to the best times of our lives. If anything, if anything at all, we are proud to be cersans.

For all that has been and for all that will still be, upperclassmen, mentors, friends, thank you for bringing us home.

Truly, cersa is this way home….

iN LOve you leARn thiNGS yoU dont expect

By Kat Hirang
Somewhere between the lines of Lorenz’ messages, and his undying sweet gestures made Claire wanted to come right out and say it—that she now wanted to be his girl. Though of course that didn’t mean she was dead sure. She had doubts, of course but every moment with Lorenz made her happy, and that was just what she needed to be. Surprisingly though, she did not miss him on times he was away. There was no glint in her eyes, no soft music that played, no momentarily yet perfectly magical connection that ignited. It was only the two of them, his undying love for her, and her happy feeling of being with him. And that was it—only her happy feeling.
Lorenz wanted her so much. He’d talk to his sleep on nights when he’d dream of her. He’d kiss her photos and make believe that someday this girl, the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on will someday be his. That day came.
“We’ve been like this for so long, Lorenz right?” she looked at him questioningly.
“Yes, we have, haven’t we.” He smiled. It was always enchanting to hear her voice. “But you know, just having you here makes me content—like I had nothing more to wish for.”
“What if we were more?” she asked, her face neutral.
“I’d be the happiest man in the world.” He said, a bit hopeful. He never expected to hear such a question from her, and he wasn’t sure on what outcome this would lead to. Claire fixed her gaze on the floor, sighed and said, “Then you are the happiest man. I love you, Lorenz.” Feeling utterly happy for the fate that had befallen him, he hugged her tightly, his face lighting up like a child. I’ve never seen him that happy, she thought. Yet that moment, that moment he had his arms on her, she didn’t feel quite so sure anymore that she wanted this. He wanted her—badly—but she wanted only happiness, and she wasn’t sure where she would find it.
Yet she was scared to ruin the moment. She was scared of hurting Lorenz for he knew he depended on her. Months passed, and they spent most of their time in coupled bliss. They spent hours on the phone, they spent lunches together, and walked along hand in hand. Lorenz felt he was in heaven, that finally the world turned itself according to his favor. He had been scared that he would never again see the light of day after some broken relationships but Claire saved him, and brought him to a world that conspired for them only, and nothing, nothing he knows of would ever go in the way. Or so he thought.
“Claire, you make me happy.” He said to her one evening, when they were under the light of the bright moon. “I could’ve never imagines this feeling you gave. Promise me you wont ever take that away from me.” Lorenz hated the thought of Claire having to leave, and take away the wonderful thing she gave Lorenz. And so he was going to make sure that Claire, never does, and make her fall in love with him every single day. His happiness depended on me. That’s the saddest burden of all. What had I gotten myself into? She began to think. Being with Lorenz made her days fun and carefree, he made her laugh but for her, that was all there is to be. She needed magic to fall in love. Lorenz didn’t have that.
“Claire, tell me you wont go.” He prodded on further. “Promise me you’ll stay.”
But I don’t want to hurt him. “Yes, Lorenz I promise.” She said, her heart battling, unsure of her answer.
Claire sat in her room crying. Six months had gone by and she still felt unsure of her feelings, and guilty that she was leading Lorenz on. She wanted to come out and tell the truth but every time she tried, she’d be haunted by Lorenz’ happy face and smiling eyes,
and before she knows it, she’ll be lost again—and devastated. But those unsure months must have an end, and the end came as the eighth month of coupled bliss approached. Reproachful and dazed at the things she was about to say, she met up with Lorenz at the Seasons Café, the place they first met. Lorenz was already there when she arrived, and her heart was shattered at the thought that he didn’t know he came here to have his heart broken. But she couldn’t let everything go on—not when she didn’t have enough courage to love him the way he loved her.
“Lorenz, I..I came here to call the whole thing off.” She said, as fast as she could to get everything over with. Lorenz stared in open-mouthed ardor, and for a while, Claire thought she saw his face fall, but was replaced by an inanimate aura of confusion mixed with hesitation. “But Claire, I thought what we had was wonderful…” he began, and decided he couldn’t continue. He cried, tears falling from his eyes. Then finally without another look at her, he stood up, and went away crying for the longest time.
It took Lorenz the most of two years to get over her. He had to do it, though he admits it wasn’t easy. The only happiness he found was in her. That was before, though, he learned that things change, and when they do you have to prepare yourself for it. When you feel love for the first time, it doesn’t mean that it would be the last time you’d ever feel it. Its just there to teach you joys, pains, and hurts. He had emerged from a weary state, and had regarded his past as just that—the past. He didn’t blame Claire, he thanked her for she gave him still a gift no one else had before. For once in his life, she made him complete. And that was all he ever needed to make her the part of his life that time could never erase.
“Hey…” someone said behind him, interrupting his thoughts. It had been two years since they broke up, and here she was standing as if they’d met for the first time. But inside, they knew they’d known each other for a brief eternity.
“Hey, Claire.” He said, and gestured her to sit down. It felt nice seeing her again. Claire took a spot beside him on the soft grass on that breezy afternoon. She said she was visiting the neighborhood and had to come by. It has been so long since he had last laid eyes on her, yet she was still as beautiful as she had been.
“Lorenz, I know everything is over and done,” she began. “But I just want to say sorry for doing what I did…to you. I never ever meant to hurt you.”
“I know,” he said, not seeming to know where the words came from. “Its okay, Claire. I understand. I actually want to thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?”
“You taught me things love can only teach.” He said, then smiled. He smiles so magically, she thought. He really did make a good boyfriend, if only she had loved him enough. “Like what?” she asked.
“When you love, you shouldn’t waste anything, not any moment of it.” He started. “If anything, it was worth taking the risk. You’ll get hurt, but at least for one moment in time, your life became complete. Thanks, Claire, for teaching me the meaning of love.”
He looked at her, the last strings of his love for her tugging the bottom of his heart. He held her hand for a moment, then let it go, along with the hurts and pains he went through. He was ready. Claire, stopped for a moment, sighed and said, “I’m sorry I had to make you learn that way. But I had to somehow show you that your happiness does not only depend on me, it has to come within. And when you’ve realized that, that’s when you’ll know you are complete.”
She started to speak again, this time repeating words she had uttered before, “I’m sorry Lorenz that I had to make you learn painfully.”
Sitting there in the soft grass, on a breezy afternoon, with the girl who gave him the greatest gift so far in his life, he hugged her and said softly, “Its okay, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

TwO fRienDs...

Two friends were seated beside each other, trying to focus on each other’s lives. He loved another who loved him as well. She loved another yet didn’t love her back. They were best friends, and for a while that was all they ever thought they could be.
She didn’t think love was in the way, she didn’t dream of it. She just noticed the empty feeling inside. She didn’t know love, she hadn’t felt it before. He knew love but had been hurt too many times before. But he wants to try, try to find the one girl that completes his dreams; while she still waits and waits for that guy who’d make her feel the magic for the first time…
Two friends were seated beside each other, not knowing that something was already starting between them. A flame that ignited in colors, sweet songs hung melodiously in the air. One fateful day, he told her he loved her. at that moment, she felt it, too but was just to scared to let him come in. Days melted into months, and there was nothing she could ever do to stop what was starting from actually happening. He had that magic that no one else had, he had the glint in his eyes that only she could see. In her heart she then knew that she had fallen, even before he said he had. All those crazy jealousies, she now knew what it all meant.
Two friends were seated beside each other, not knowing what to do, how it started, and then again, how it would end. Two friends had those hard times, yes they never became one as a couple, that was too far an option. But two friends knew inside that they had a special understanding, something anyone would never comprehend even if they tried. Two friends tried to hold on, even though it is sn unsure road that might even lead to hurt. But two friends will try, to overcome transgression just because they have each other.
No one knew for sure if they were meant to be. Two friends couldn’t really tell, and who could really? What matters is how they love today. Two friends shouldn’t think of tomorrow too much. If the road would end, then it was really meant to be that way. At least they shared, even for one brief moment what they could. Love was just like that—you never know unless you don’t expect.

For whatever that has been, and whatever that will be…two friends will share what is magical…for all of eternity ; )

Not even for Love...

NOT EVEN FOR LOVE by Kat

Infused with the brim of regret, she never knew she’d miss him—his nice eyes that glimmered in the night, or his soft lips that move gently when he spoke. But all too late for comfort, she reassured herself that Lorenz could never again trust her. Yes, she knew he still loved her, but in her heart she also knew that Lorenz would not take her into his arms after that fateful night in a school affair when David told Lorenz in an excited tone, “She said yes!”.
It had been a year of mix-ups and happy anticipations. Sophia learned from her friend that Lorenz was in love with her. It became apparent that in one class bull session all secrets were let out, and hearts were bared, risking it all. Sophia had this inconsistent feelings for Lorenz, she found him intriguing the way he always smiles for no reason. Lorenz had that kind of magnetism that would lure you into thinking, that indeed this guy’s a keeper. But Sophia, incidentally had a boyfriend of two years. They had been entwined in a long-distance relationship that isn’t working out as well as it was supposed to. The conflict lies all around that verge and no one, not even Sophia could have ever prepared herself to the things still coming.
As expected, though, after finding out their mutual admiration for each other, Lorenz and Sophia became really good friends, which later revolved into an understanding no one but themselves could comprehend, though everybody could see it in their eyes that indeed—love was coming along. They weren’t a couple, no, that was far too easy to say. Lorenz felt compelled to wait for Sophia until the time that she feels ready enough to divulge her relationship with her boyfriend, and regard Lorenz as the biggest part of her life. For a while, they had been contented with conversations filled with sweet nothingness, revolving on a world completely their own. For others, it seemed ridiculous. For them, it was heaven. Now all this would’ve resulted to a happy ending if only David, Lorenz’ trusted friend didn’t opt to come into the picture. David, in respite for his ex who instantaneously found another guy, started courting Sophia, strangely, with the knowledge of Lorenz. Both of them accepted the challenge of falling for the same girl. David was on the rebound, but Sophia didn’t know that. It was a battle that deserved no ending, a struggle that could get them easily hurt in even just a second. Lorenz, knew this of course, but went on anyway, because of his great love for Sophia.
“My boyfriend and I had broken up” Sophia told Lorenz one afternoon. “I dumped him.”
This mere statement resulted to happiness on Lorenz’ part. He now had a chance, and decided that finally, after all these time of waiting, he was going to ask Sophia to be his. And what a perfect time to do that than the JS Prom which would be held the following night. It was a moment of excitement for Lorenz, his chest beating hard as he approached the venue. His high hopes and anticipation could get him somewhere, he thought. He had to be optimistic. This is now or never.
He saw David, walking up to him, apparently filled with joy. “Lorenz, she said yes!” he said, indeed very happy for his fate. “and I wanted you to be the first to know.”
After hearing this, Lorenz wanted to crumple down and cry. His heart was drenched in a pit of despair and his heart seem to break beyond repair. Every ounce of energy drained from his body. He wanted, more than anything to get out of there, run for miles, and never come back. But instead, he forced a smile and slowly muttered, holding back tears, “Oh. Well, congratulations then.” It was a good thing David walked away grinning from ear to ear because if he hadn’t, he would have seen teardrops falling from Lorenz’ face. He had lost it all, and he blamed Sophia for it. I thought what we had was special, was all he could think about.
That night, he went all hyper and danced the night away. He didn’t want to remember the pain, or the deception. He just wanted to dance, and dance, and dance hoping that the pain would subside and stop burning up his insides.
After much loneliness and a lot of thinking though, Lorenz decided to move on—the only thing he could ever do about it. It had been hard, there are even times he wanted to shoot himself in agony of falling too hard, and loosing it all. But he decided that he didn’t want this pain, nor could he use it anymore. Finally, with much determination, he made it up, forgot Sophia and went on with his life. He was enrolled in a good college and decided to focus his time in his studies and still, hoping to find that someone worthy of his affections.
Sophia and David broke up after three months. David found another girl to whom he bestowed his affections, after all, he is Mr. Rebound waiting to happen. Sophia was left, all alone and quite sorry for picking the wrong guy. “I shouldn’t have loved David. Lorenz deserves better than what I did to him.” But all too soon, she also knew that she couldn’t just step up to Lorenz and tell him she was sorry. It was too late for that. And so she was distraught, realizing that from the beginning Lorenz was the one who truly loved her. And she was too blind to even see that. She missed him now, that was all she could ever do, this is all she could ever deserve for hurting the man who loved her in a way no one ever could. She knew Lorenz could never forgive her for the things she had done to him. She had hurt him in ways she never even imagined. Lorenz was never coming back, he was never going to forgive her…not even for love.

MATH TEST

MATH TEST

This is college.
I didn’t know how serious this phrase is—until we had our first ever Math midterms.

I never had the natural love for numbers like other people. True, math may seem the most practical of all subjects because you do not need to memorize long names or concepts. As long as you understand how the details go and as long as you can solve the problems yourself, you can do the math. I don’t mind numbers, its just that I was never as good at it as I would like myself to be. I don’t suck, actually, I just am plain average.
When our professor announced that finally the midterms were near, I felt like a real college student, for the first time in two months. I didn’t think of anything else. My friends in the dorm and I never studied anything BUT Math. We would spend late hours in each other’s rooms solving problems, asking each other for sample tests that might help us get an idea of what word problems would appear in the 200-point exam. I even experienced not wanting to sleep because I saw sleeping as a waste of time. It was weird to think that for a week or so, I believed that it was better to spend the time studying than to actually get some rest.
In short, I let this whole ordeal take over me. Yet it didn’t mean that my life was out of order. It was a good thing that I learned to balance studying, spending time with friends and doing my other responsibilities. Had it not been to my friends who chose to perish with me, even having fun while at it, or the time I spent alone thinking as I usually did, I would’ve buckled down and not keep trying when I was at my lowest.

This is not only an internal struggle.

I learned that you have to do it, and do it in a way you’ll be thankful for in the end. I know this may be shallow, hey it is only a math test. But shallow as it is, this math test gave me an idea that college is not a four-year party. You have to toil (and endlessly at that) in order to get to where you expect yourself to be. We might not really say what the results are, but if we gave it our all, then nobody is to blame. If you don’t make it, at least you tried—and learned.
Yet you can never make it if you just buckle down and lock yourself up until your brain explodes from too much studying. Balance is the key. There must always be a time to have fun amidst all the hard work you’ve been doing. It’s the only way to keep you sane. College may be hard but you’ll always have people who’ll keep your feet on the ground, or thoughts that will neutralize all the stress. At the end of the day, you’ll be happier that at least, you allowed yourself to let loose—while still keeping it real.

And now that everything is over and done, I guess I’d have to wait for a few more weeks before everything gets hectic again, and I decide that nights are for studying and not for dozing off. As for now, I guess its practically reasonable to lie around and think of anything BUT Math…

Cheers.:)